Trust Me
by Rice Queen
Summary: The story of James's struggle between two loves, Sirius and Lily. The end is a melancholy one, folks. James/Sirius, James/Lily. Rated M for eventual sex and language.


**A/N:** I feel the need to explain what this story will actually surround. I want you all to know this story will have a bitter cup ending. Good but not good. There will be various relationships through out, but it will focus on James and Sirius, and James and Lily.

I should mention that this chapter will be very short, as it is more or less an introduction. I do not post chapters less than 4,000 words as a rule. That said, this means one chapter every so often. As well it is hard to find time to write. But this story in particular is planned until the end so it shouldn't be too much for me to complete it.

This chapter will start it off and you can decide whether or not you're into it. This is my first time writing a fic with such a big fanbase. Let me know how I do please! As well, please note that before the next chapter is posted I will answer any and all reviews I receive in the beginning of each one. Enjoy the read!

**WARNING:** Language

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Harry Potter nor the characters associated with it.

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The first time he saw her, he knew. It was a gut wrenching punch to the face-or heart, more accurately. It was on the Hogwarts express when James first laid eyes on Lily Evans. He, with his hazel eyes and black hair met her green eyes and dark red hair. Never in his life had he seen such beauty, and admitted to himself that it was within this quiet looking girl.

She was walking with another boy, both of them first years, with a book held clutched to her chest. Her hair fell in silk strands to frame her face, gleaming in the light of the train as she walked. The other was a pale boy, hair black as the night falling to touch the tops of his shoulders only just. James returned his gaze to the girl, and felt his jaw drop as he peered out the compartment, hanging on with one arm with the other lolling out towards the floor. He must have been quite the spectacle, with his robes mussed and his hair stylishly out of control. He smirked at her, jutting his chin out in greeting as he did with all the girls. He was appalled to see her nose wrinkle just once, before she turned on her heel and entered the compartment she was beside. The boy looked up and gave the barest of smiles, all timid, and ducked in along with her and closed the door.

Snubbed.

But seriously. That nose wrinkle was adorable.

His eyes were clouded with sweet adoration as he closed the door and fell back into his seat. The other boys sharing the compartment with him were talking quietly, a mousy looking boy with curly brown hair and another in tattered robes. The former of the two glanced up and met his eyes briefly before returning to his conversation.

So maybe James Potter was having a few troubles making friends. It wasn't anything time and his charmingly good looks couldn't fix. That thought in mind he leaned back and sighed as he closed his eyes, dreaming of fame and his soon-to-be popularity.

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First year was very touch and go. James made his claim to fame quickly and it wasn't long before he had assembled a posse to go with it. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew became his closest friends. Remus was too smart to get in on any of his pranks or teasings, but Peter was easy to boss around as anything. In retrospect he supposed it was this quality alone that made him keep the boy around.

It wasn't until second year that he met Sirius Black. The feeling of being punched in the gut but not quite came back in full force. Of course he had pursued Lily across the school and back, but as much as he flirted and flaunted himself he just couldn't catch her eye. Rather, he knew he had her eye but that was not her heart. Not what he wanted.

Now, Sirius Black _was_ what he wanted. The complete package.

James watched the dark haired pureblood be sorted. If rumour was anything to go by, Sirius had been held back a year for whatever reason. Something about his home life. James never paid much attention to rumours, but he did hear them a lot. James had been talking with another Gryffindor when it was mentioned that the Black family had all been Slytherin's. It hadn't mattered much before, but now that he had seen Sirius he felt his heart clench. James had to be in the same house as this boy, just had to be. They would be in the same year too, if the rumours were anything to go by. Remus had said the boy was brilliant, had passed the first year tests with flying colours. Literally. He was a great broomstick rider. As the Seeker on the house team, James was mighty curious to test this out.

Sirius had seemed nervous and trembled slightly, his fingers curling beneath the edges of the wooden stool and scratching at the old timber. The room had gone quiet, and it was punctuated by the Sorting Hat yelling out, "Gryffindor!" James had never cheered so loud in his life, jumping up from his seat and making the bench squeal backwards across the stone floor. The boy looked up of course, grey eyes calculating as he spotted James clapping his hands far above his head. Sirius raised an eyebrow, but his grin was definite as he stepped gracefully down the stairs and headed straight for the guffawing boy.

The first thing he noticed about Sirius Black was that he was handsome. It would be wrong to say that he wasn't good looking, but that wasn't at all what James meant when he thought handsome. There was... a quality to the boy that made him beautiful. It was in the very pores of his skin, emanating a kind of brightness that wasn't quite light. It was a magnetic attraction that would no doubt leave the girls fawning over his shoes. It was in the sharpness of his nose, the curve of his lips when he smiled, and the shadow his bangs created over his eyes. Yes, even the shape of his ears and the softness of his lips. Sirius Black was gorgeous beyond all measure. James wanted him.

This was not the want of an adult. It was nothing sexual in the slightest. Yet still it was a desire that he himself would not understand until many years later. It was the craving for something you cannot have. For something to belong to you. But you do not call the wind or tame the sea, rather, they are what captivates you. So was true of Sirius Black for James.

James put his hand out for Sirius to shake, who took it with a strong grip.

"James."

"Sirius."

And from that moment on James knew every move, every thought, every word would be for Sirius.

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Since that first meeting in the Great Hall, James made sure he and Sirius were inseparable. The two were thick as thieves from the get-go, eyes alight with mischief and humor. Remus used his intellect to assist them whether he wanted to admit it or not, and Peter was incredibly helpful as their scapegoat. Certainly he was valued for other qualities, but if it wasn't for his usefulness he wouldn't have been, well, useful.

Once Sirius was a part of his circle James did everything he could to ensure he stay there. He saw the looks people gave the long-haired boy, and he wanted to bare his teeth and snarl every time they did. The girls whispered about them both, and though he prided himself on those who murmured about him, Sirius was his territory. Still, there was no way to make this known, and so he continued his other pursuit. Lily was unimpressed to say the least. The passed year had been nothing but failed attempts to make her swoon. Despite this, James remained adamant that she see him as more than a twat. It was upstairs in the rooms when James brought up the topic of girls for the first time in weeks. Most of the other boys were sound asleep behind their sound-proof curtains, dreaming of pumpkin juice or whatever else boys dreamed of.

"Hey Remus," James said casually, unbuttoning his shirt to prepare for bed, "I have a question for you." He tossed his shirt with the robes over the rail of his bed, kicking off his shoes in the same instant. The fawn haired boy didn't so much as glance up from his book, laying back on his bed still dressed when he answered, "And I have an answer, of course." The look of pure indifference on his face made James twitch in slight irritation, but he continued with a grin nonetheless. "Do you think Lily will ever like me?" Remus answered instantly, snapping his book shut and placing it on his bed stand, "Nope." He stood up from the comforts of his bed and stretched upwards, cracking the bones in his back with a sigh of appreciation. "Well gee, thanks mate," James muttered, glaring at the other boy and starting to remove his pants. He was attempting to free his foot from them and was hopping up and down when Sirius entered the room.

James fell to the ground with a loud 'thunk' and a cry of, "Bloody hell."

Sirius Black had just walked shirtless into the boys dormitory. Now, for all the others this was nothing strange and nothing new. In fact with Sirius's confidence it was nearly impossible to find him without a shirt on these days. This however was different for several reasons. Firstly being that he had just stepped out of the showers. The ivory of his skin was still sleek with water, his hair inky black against his neck and face. A scent wafted to James from the boy and he recognized it as cinnamon, sharp and assaulting his nose in waves. He sneezed and pushed himself up from the floor, gazing at the other with hazel eyes.

"What the hell are you doing on the floor, James?" Sirius chuckled, fastening the white towel more securely around his waist. Playing it off, James crawled to his knees in front of him, throwing his arms to the floor and bowing down in a show of mock worship. "Oh, Sirius Black! The great, the handsome, the sexy! The all knowing brain and perfect troublemaker!" He babbled titles as they came to him as he lifted his arms and lowered them, before moving forward and kissing his feet. He broke into laughter when Sirius kicked him good-naturedly, strolling towards his bed with a chuckle. Remus rolled his eyes, but even he had a smile on his face. James stood up, finally removing his pants and reaching for his pajamas. "You're a git, you know," Sirius commented, grabbing some shorts and pulling them up beneath his towel. The piece of clothing slid into place and the towel fell to the floor. He kicked it to the side before Remus clicked his tongue, glaring at the other. Sirius raised an eyebrow, but when Remus didn't let up he huffed and picked it up, "You are such a priss, Remus." The boy in question shrugged and slipped on his own pajamas with a quiet determination. James was still tightening his drawstring when Remus responded seriously to his prior query.

"She might, eventually."

Suddenly James wasn't sure he wanted to know. All he could see was Sirius, who was unaware he was being scrutinized so intensely as he got into bed. "You think?" James asked softly, sitting on the edge of his bed and looking down at his hands. "Yes, if you stop being an asshole to her friends," Remus answered with a roll of his eyes. Honestly, he thought James was a pretty smart guy. Apparently not when it came to matters of the heart. Across the room Sirius side glanced at James, keeping his gaze stoic as possible. James was still after Lily, huh? He decided to say as much. James laughed, his eyes bright as he snuggled beneath his blankets, turning away from both of them. "Always. It will always be her. Trust me."

A lump in his throat. Where had that come from? James knew he was lying through his teeth. He felt his heart clench as he called out goodnight. Remus opted to stay up and read for a while longer, closing his curtains so the light didn't disturb the dorms other occupants. Sirius answered after a long pause, his voice gentle and low. "Night James."

Sirius closed the curtains on his own bed, knowing full well no sound would be heard from inside. "Dream of me."

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**A/N:** Weeeeeeeee! Okay, let me know what you think. :) Thanks guys!


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